A Liverpool father who found himself in a “dark place” after struggling with his mental health has spoken out to praise a local support group that he describes as an absolute lifeline.

Phil first started attending Everton in the Community’s Dads’ Club in early 2023, when his firstborn son was just ten weeks old. 

As a school teacher with a degree in Early Years Education, becoming a dad had always been his ultimate dream. 

Tragically, his and his wife Helen’s journey to parenthood was far from easy, involving three heartbreaking miscarriages along the way.

While the couple received vital support from the national baby loss charity Tommy’s after their first two losses, Phil found there was a glaring gap when it came to local, accessible help for grieving fathers.

Phil said:

“I don’t think there was enough support out there in terms of how to deal with a miscarriage.

“I think when you’re first trying to have children it’s not really spoken about a lot. It’s not something anyone ever wants, and it happens a lot. 

“You always see this fairy tale pregnancy journey and the Instagram version of it, and it’s just not true for most people.”

It wasn’t until they were further along in their fourth pregnancy that Phil spotted a flyer at Liverpool Women’s Hospital for Everton in the Community’s ‘new dads’ meeting.

 It was the very first time he had seen support tailored specifically for fathers.

He explained:

“It was the first sign that my role was being recognised, and that I was going to go through a lot of changes too. 

“Clearly not the physical changes that women go through, but mentally and lifestyle-wise. Attending that meeting was actually the first time I’d ever heard about postnatal depression affecting men. I just wasn’t aware of it before then.”

Facing the reality of male postnatal depression

Everything came to a head when his son was just four weeks old. Overwhelmed by stress, Phil was signed off work by his doctor for six weeks. 

Thankfully, because he had previously learned that men can suffer from postnatal depression too, he felt safe enough to understand what was happening and speak honestly about his struggles.

He said:

“I’d say if I hadn’t heard about male postnatal depression before that, then I probably would have gone down a different, much worse route.”

Desperate to find a positive outlet, Phil reduced his hours at work and tried taking his son to several local baby classes. However, he quickly found that the female-focused environment and language used by organisers left him feeling isolated, making him feel like he “shouldn’t be there.”

That all changed when his son reached ten weeks old, and the pair walked through the doors of Everton in the Community’s Dads’ Club.

Finding a vital lifeline and a lifelong support network

Run by Andy Cousins, the charity’s Starting Well Coordinator, the free sessions are designed to give young children a safe, fun space to play together, while giving dads a relaxed environment to chat, share advice, and bond with their little ones.

For Phil, it changed everything, he said:

“There’s still nothing else like Dads’ Club out there.

“It was thanks to the excellent work there and talking to Andy that I managed to get through to the other side.

“It’s given me a support network of dads from all different walks of life that I otherwise never would have met, and I’m proud to call them friends now. 

“When I was really struggling, what stood out to me was that people actually listened. 

“The next time they saw you, they’d ask how you were doing again, it wasn’t just lip service. Now our kids have grown up together, which is incredibly special.”

Phil originally started going to the club just to give his wife a much-needed break at home, but he quickly realised the sessions were doing his own mental health a world of good.

Since then, Phil and Helen have welcomed a second baby boy, who is now three months old. Attending the Dads’ Club has officially become a family rite of passage. In fact, Phil credits the group with giving him the strength to expand their family in the first place.

Phil said:

“Before our second son was even conceived, it was through the Dads’ Club that I was able to access therapy.

“I did some counselling around the fears of our previous miscarriages, and the anxiety we were feeling as a couple about trying again. 

“It led to us feeling comfortable and confident enough to try for a second child. It was invaluable, and it all stemmed from walking into that club.”

Andy Cousins, the Starting Well Coordinator, added: 

“Behind every dad is a story that often goes unheard. 

“After years of loss and uncertainty, Phil came to us at the start of his fatherhood journey. 

“His story highlights the hidden challenges so many new dads face, and the life-changing impact of simply having a safe space where they can connect, open up, and bond with their little ones without judgment.”

Everton in the Community’s Dads’ Club is free to attend and open to dads and their children aged four and under.

Sessions take place on alternative Saturdays, with snacks and refreshments provided.

For more information and to register, click here.

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